LETTERS FROM PHILLY BRIAN

What's up? I've been in Daejeon for a week now, and originally my apartment wasn't ready so the school put me up in a hotel. I didn't realize this at the time--later another teacher told me---but it was a pay by the hour hotel. You know, the kind that prostitutes use to have sex with men who are paying them money. I tried to take a shit and the toilet fell over. I righted it and realized, from staring at the floor, that in Asia you apparently shower in the middle of the bathroom with a shower head that's attached to the sink. The room was nice. It had porn on two channels, red mood light over the bed, and the sheets were that comfortable kind of slick that's made comfortable by copious amounts of infidelity being performed on them. Daejeon is the safest city in South Korea, and South Korea is probably the safest country in the world. People on the streets stared at me because of my height, and, unlike the native Koreans, none of the cars that zip around as if they were a Nascar course speed up when I try to cross the street. In fact, some even stop when I step into the crosswalk. Koreans also hate money. I think that is their national slogan. A guy I work with tipped a cab driver the other day, and the cab driver followed him for a block honking. He hated the one dollar that was given to him. There is a sandwich shop by my work that leaves a try full of money by the counter where you pay for your sandwiches. You are supposed to figure out your own change; I have already thought about taking the entire tray of money and explaining to them that I am doing American math, which is different to Korean math, and I hope that they understand this. I have not done this. Koreans also love to get excessively drunk. However, they do not fight each other. At first, watching them link arms and sway through the street like linens in a breeze, I thought they were the Irish of Asia. But after studying them for the last week--they wear bedazzled jeans, and they puff out their cheeks when they talk--I realize that they are not the Irish of Asia. They are probably closer to Canadians than anything else. The school is nice. I was teaching the students about cause and effect the other day. They began talking loudly, and trying to test me for a moment, you know to see what I was all about. I introduced the cause that someone once stole Mr. Brian's candy bar. "What happened, Mr. Brian?" a little girl asked. "No one knows what happened to that man," I said. They were very respectful after that. I hope all of you are doing well, I work from 1 PM to 9:30 everyday and then I go out drinking.

LIfe is good. I'll write you soon, I miss all you guys.

Brian